Right now

I. am. so. terribly. behind.


I have so many things I want to blog about. I just can't seem to find the time. Like:

* Our visit to the pumpkin patch.
* Halloween
* Katie's love of rice cereal.
* The bathtub song.
* All of Katie's sweet antics.

and so many other things...

And of course, I have so many photos to share.

I want to blog so I can remember these moments, and have them documented. And to share them with family and friends, with photos of course! (I know that's what you all are really after).

What I will say is this...

Every moment I have to spend with my sweet daughter, I do. I can honestly say that I drop everything, all the time, to be interacting with her - playing, reading a book, holding her, getting down on the floor and rolling around with her... yes, my house could be more clean. The laundry could use some more attention (and be put away once it's washed). My eyebrows need to be plucked. I need to floss my teeth more. I could be baking some banana bread. Or apple pie. Or at least attempting to, since I'm not the greatest baker.

There are a lot of things I could be doing.

But what I'd rather be doing is spending this moment with my daughter. Because there will only be this moment - this moment when she is learning something new. This moment when she's eating cereal for the first time. This moment when she is smiling and laughing with me. This moment when she's snuggled into my shoulder. Or falling asleep holding my hand. This moment when she wraps her tiny little finger around mine. Or cups her hand under my chin when I'm feeding her. This very moment that she steals my heart a little more.

The housework, the laundry, the dishes...it will all always be there. And I'll get to it...eventually.

But right now, right now, I'm dropping it all to spend with my sweet girl. And I wouldn't have it any other way.

Except maybe to have some additional hours in the day, to sleep document these moments.

Four Months

At four months, you:

• are 25 ½ inches long, which puts you in the 90^th percentile for height. I think you’re going to be tall like your Daddy.
• weigh 16.10 lbs, which puts you in the 95^th percentile for weight!
• have had your first cold. Your friends at daycare are really good about sharing. :)
• smile all the time. I can always get a smile out of you when I make a kissing noise at you. I’ve also been able to get you to chuckle a few times. Still waiting on that first belly laugh, though.
• enjoy playing in your exersaucer.
• have been sitting in your high chair at dinner time with Mom and Dad. The first time we put you in it, you barely moved a muscle. I think you were a little unsure about it. Dad started playing and joking around with you, and you were comfortable in no time.
• still eat 5 oz. every 2 ½ hours – except at bedtime. You still only wake once or twice in the night.
• wore your first pigtails! - thanks to your daycare provider (hehe, Daddy couldn't blame Mommy)
  
• continue to have wild and crazy hair - Daddy calls it "orangutan hair"
• have rolled onto your side.
  

I love you, little girl. More than anything in this world.

Three Months!

Wow, things have been so busy! At the end of August, my little brother was visiting for a week. That following weekend we had my family and dh’s family over for a big ol’ lobster dinner, and then that following Monday, I returned to work. What with being back to work, I hardly have any time to get online these days, and usually if I do, it’s on the weekends. But our weekends have also been so busy! We've attended a wedding, visited family, had family visit us, and then last weekend I was sick, (still am). And guess how this weekend is looking? Jam-packed!

Phew.

But the big news today is that Katie is three months old!!

Happy 3 Month Birthday, Katie!!

Let’s see what you're up to these days:

• Still doing a wonderful job sleeping at night, usually only getting up once to eat. Thank you for that. ;)
  
• You moved from your bassinet to your crib, which I think was much harder on Mommy and Daddy than on you, even though the crib is in our bedroom!
• You are holding your own head up more and more every day. I can’t count how many times I’ve heard people comment on how strong you are for your age.
• You love to be sitting upright or standing. You'll actually pull yourself into a sitting position if someone is holding you in a reclined position.
• You're grasping and holding things on your own now. It's so fun to see you curious about your world, and able to engage directly in it.
• You love your mobile, and get so excited watching it. You'll actually squeal with excitement when it's on.
• You still love bath time, though you're giving me a run for my money with all the splashing you do, and you adore you pirate rubber ducky! You try eating his bill, and when he gets too slippery for you to hold and falls back into the water, you'll try to pick him up with your feet.
• You are intrigued by the television. Seriously – if the tv is on, you don't pay anyone much attention.And even when it's not on, you stare at the screen and get so excited.
  
• You're still continuing to grow by leaps and bounds, and roll by roll. ;) My little chunka munk.
• Your hands are always in your mouth. And sometimes we find you sucking on just your thumb.
  
• You're "talking" more and more, and it's really fun to hear you exploring the sounds you can make.
  
• You've officially rolled onto your side, and tonight you rolled from your side back onto your back!

Katie, you are such a happy and easy-going baby. People are always commenting on how "good" and content you are. You really only cry when you're hungry, tired, or need a diaper change. And lately, your cries are starting to turn into angry grumbles. Daddy and I can't help but chuckle at you sometimes when you do this.

You've completely captured all of my heart, and I couldn't imagine my life without you in it. I love you so much, my sweet girl.

Chocolate and Slush Puppies

One of the hardest days...ever.

Back to work, and having to leave my two-month old baby girl in the care of someone else.

It's not just that. It's the idea of someone else raising my child. She spends more time in day care than with me over the course of a day. Since we've been home at 5:15 this evening, she's eaten, fussed some, then fell asleep at 7, and she's been asleep ever since. I didn't even get two hours with my baby girl. It truly breaks my heart.

I want to raise my baby. I want to be with her each day. I want to hold her when she wakes, sooth her when she cries, feed her when she's hungry, play with her, talk to her, love on her...and I want to be there for it all. I don't want to miss a thing.

All my life I wanted to be a mother. And because that desire was so great, I feared I never would be able to have children of my own. After a long, difficult pregnancy that faced many uncertainties, my dream came true. On the flip side of that dream was that I would be able to be a stay at home mother to my children. Unfortunately that is not to be, and it's killing me.

I made the decision to go to college, and stupidly, an expensive one. I'm still paying off those school loans. My husband says that once my loans are paid off, I can be home. But by then my children will be in school. We might be able to make it work that I could be home if we were without the one car loan we have left (dh just made the last payment on his vehicle!), which isn't too, too much. But it's another 2 years left on the loan. And what good will that do me then? I'll have missed two years. I want to be there now. I want to be the one to raise my daughter, my sweet miracle baby.

What if she wakes and is scared? And I'm not there? What if she's hurt or sick? And she needs her Mother? What if she feels as though I've abandoned her? What if our bond weakens? What will I be missing? What if she's not happy? How will I know?

I miss her so much, and writing this is making me cry again.



Seriously, who wouldn't want to kiss on those chunka cheeks all day long?

Two months old!

Happy Two Month Birthday, Katie!!

What are you up to at two months old?

You currently weigh 12lbs 8 oz (you eat all the time!), affectionately earning the nicknames Chunka Munk, Chunky Monkey, and Thunder Thighs. As Daddy said tonight, "even your rolls have rolls." I keep trying to tell everyone that your arms are nicely sculpted due to your muscles.

You are smiling more, and you've recently discovered your voice. You are a social little girl. It's so sweet to hear you "talking," and it's actually kind of funny when you're upset and talking - it sounds like you're giving us a piece of your mind.

For the last week or so you have started to sleep more at night. You currently go to bed around 9-9:30 and you're up between 3 and 4 am to eat, then up for the morning between 6-7am. Mommy isn't complaining.

You love to look at objects that are dangling above you - either the stars on your bassinet, the bird on your swing, or the bears on your pack-n-play. It's funny to see your arms and legs just a going when you get excited. You look like you're trying to run a marathon.

You hate getting dressed and undressed, but you LOVE having a bath. You could be in the worst mood, but as soon as I place you in your tub, you're the most content baby.

You're starting to lift your head when you're sitting up, and you're also starting to reach for things. Your new thing is pulling the bottom of your dress up, exposing your (big) little belly.

Katie, you are a joy. You truly are a great baby, usually only fussing when you're hungry, tired, or need a diaper change. I love your personality, and your smiles brighten my world.

I love you, little girl.

Since becoming a mother, I've noticed a few things.

I brush my teeth less.

I shower less.

I sleep less.

Among other things...

But...

I smile more. And I find the simple beauty in life more often.

All because of this sweet girl:

Today

Outside my window... beautiful blue sky with not a cloud in sight. It's a gorgeous Saturday afternoon, and the sun is a much welcome change from the rain we've been having.

I am thinking... that I should be more productive today, and should insist on the husband taking care of Katie for a bit so I can get some things done around the house.

I am thankful for... a healthy, beautiful baby girl.

From the kitchen... warmed up leftover Chinese takeout.

I am wearing... a tank top and barely squeezed into pre-pregnancy Capri jeans.

I am creating... nothing more than this blog entry.

I am going... to try to upload some recent pics of Katie.

I'm reading... What to Expect the First Year. In my *ahem* spare time.

I am hoping... I can get things figured out with going back to work and child care - and feel good about these decisions.

I am hearing... the husband playing video games and many, many motorcycles driving by outside today.

Around the house... it definitely needs some work - some picking up and more organizing from the move.

One of my favorite things... smores. Yum.

A few plans for the rest of the week... laundry, take care of Katie-bean, dishes, bottles, maybe some grocery shopping, and perhaps some wedding dress shopping with the SIL tomorrow.

A picture to share...

a smile caught on camera...